It is the final week of classes. And next week is my exam. On the one hand, I am extremely happy that this semester is coming to a close. On the other, I am extremely stressed out by the amount of essays on top of studying for Japanese. I know I will get it all done regardless, but I seriously wish I had the gumption to want to get it done with right away. But some of these professors just give out the most boring of assignments. And not just at ICU, but even back at UB. I really need to go for a run, to de-stress myself. The freak snow Tokyo had has literally made it impossible to do any outdoor exercising this past weekend. I could really go for a nice long run today, I am going to go for as long as possible, I just need to release as much out of my system as I can.
On another note, throughout my time here, I have noticed something. I feel less close with people than I originally thought I did. I have yet to really find anyone here, either Japanese or foreign, who I really feel like I can connect with. People come across so shallow and superficial, and treat friendships/relationships like a tissue that you can use once and throw in the garbage. Also, for some of other OYRs who are here, I keep coming across a recurring theme. There are some here who are so full of themselves that they practically treat any other foreigner like they have less importance or status than them. Some are just letting the extreme materialism of this city gt to their heads, and have turned into obnoxious assholes. And they treat anyone who is not at their level of proficiency in a discreet manner of ridicule and jeer, but not so discreet that the other can’t tell. And then we have those who are oddly coming to this conclusion that Japan as a whole hates them, and would like for them to leave. They take one aspect or segment of society and use that as their method for understanding how everything else works. Well, it is not quite like that! And stop constantly comparing things to back home, and wishing you were there constantly. You are on the chance of a lifetime and all you do is talk about home. Why don’t you just leave then? You just hide in your room, never talk to anyone and have no sense of social propriety!
Going back to social propriety, and I am going to sound like a broken record, but if you don’t at least attempt to invite people to partake in an outing, it makes them feel like you don’t want to really do anything with them. The lack of foresight kills me.
I guess, all in all, I myself feel really lonely nowadays. I smile, I talk to people, but I really feel like I get nothing in return. Making friends at this school has been the most difficult thing ever. I feel better connected to people who are older than me, and no surprise there, while being here in Japan, the only people who I feel the closest to are older than me. And they don’t even go to this pretentious school.